okay here's the deal

Rob and I have really fallen down on this whole Artest thing, but we didn't know what to say. Ultimately, the best take on it can be found here, with this a close second. (Actually the comments on SportsFilter are pretty good too, even if some of them are on some white-flight bullshit.)

I'm not going to get into all that, it's been endlessly debated, people who hate sports have their opinions, etc. Oh, and Bill Walton, coming off like the saint of the NBA when you always pussed out of the fights you helped to propagate and let Maurice Lucas do all your fighting for you (and then paid him back by naming your Grateful-Dead-loving-fourth-banana son after him to get some karmic payback but it isn't going to work), and hung out and lived with friends of the Symbionese Liberation Army, and sued the Trail Blazers for messing up your foot (they threw it out of court after ONE QUESTION: "How much cocaine were you doing?")...FURB. You're everything that was bad about the 1970s, nobody thinks you're a good hoops analyst, your shtick is tired and your taste in music is execrable and you have no friends.

All I'm saying is anyone who thinks they can throw a cup at Ron Motherfucking Artest without starting a Panic In Detroit is a stupid person. I wish John Gr33n had gotten some of what Fat Pistons' Jersey Fan got, but it's over and we shall speak no more of this matter. To paraphrase the uncle in that William Saroyan short story, "IT IS OF NO IMPORTANCE! PAY NO ATTENTION TO IT!"

In other news: Andrei Kirilenko is a stone cold killer, I have a big crush on Yuta Tabuse, and Rashard Lewis is making me look like an idiot. I based my Seattle hatred on two things: blatant Oregon bias, and my observation last year that Ray Allen can't stand the spotlight being on anyone else (a.k.a. Lewis or Flip Murray) and will start siphoning off points and touches to make himself look better. That still might happen...but actually Allen will have to miss some time when Kobe pops his arm out the socket for Allen's press-diss, so Lewis will have carte verde to keep up his bananas shooting.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Matt is just bitter because he had Lewis on his fantasy team last year and suffered with the post-Allen scoring drought. This was one of the reasons he lost the title...with two days to go...TO ROB.]

Anyway, um, Grant Hill blah blah blah Vlade Divac blah blah blah Denver blah blah blah.

reader frickin' mail

Dear Mr. Moves,

I am writing to offer some constructive criticism about your adorable, if misinformed and primitive, little weblog -- or "log," if you prefer.

I must disagree with your assessments of several teams. ITEM ONE: I hope you are not a habitue of Kool-Aid, as it will rot your teeth. It appears that you are in danger of this sad fate, as you are sipping a little too much on the Phoenix Kool-Aid if you think they will beat my beloved Lakers. Don't you know that we have been very effective for many of the past few years? Now that we finally got rid of ineffective Mr. O'Neil, that nice young man Mr. Bryant will finally get to be a star. Phoenix is fine, but Steve Nash is a nightmare in sneakers, and Shawn Marion is just average.

ITEM TWO: Where is the acclaim for the Seattle Supersonics? They are off to a blazing start! You probably cannot remember back to last year, but they are very good at getting off to a blazing start. I feel confident that they, unlike last year, will do very well. I like that clean-cut Ray Allen, star of court and screen. I cannot say I approve much of Mr. Rashard Lewis' new hair, though; it is unnecessarily showy.

ITEM THREE: Marijuana is a very bad thing. You probably know that, as you are high as kites for not thinking about Charlotte. Traditionally, as you know, new teams always win many games, as they have the advantage of surprise. You'd do well to emulate their early success.

I also want to say, in the nicest way possible, that this site is poorly edited, badly written, half-baked, only three-quarter-arsed, and in need of an overall vision. Plus, y'all are just imitators of that young Chris Ryan anyway. As we used to say in summer camp up in the Adirondacks, "Get off the bozack."

Sincerely,

Edna Misinformed, D.D.S.

eff a NBA, roll with the FIBA euroleague

Dude if you really want to know what's going down you will hit this stuff immediately. It's insane European basketball and it's awesomely populated with top stars like Panteleimon Papaioakeim (team: Iraklis Therassoniki), Omer Onan (team: Fenerbahce), Michael McDonald (team: Anwil Wloclawek), and Sergerio Gipson (top scorer for Amsterdam's team the Demon Astronauts and no, I'm not fucking kidding you). These are the guys that will be over here pulling down monster paycheques next year, better get to know them while you can. Plus you get the deft prose to describe games: "2000 spectators saw second home victory of BC Khimki and first lose of Strasbourg in 2004/5 FEL. Russian side played preety good defense in first half and they had 13 points' advantge after 20 minutes."

You wanna talk about preety good defense, you will be talking about Carlos Boozer. I haven't weighed in on Boozer yet, but let me say this: he has become Shiva, destroyer of worlds down in the SLC. His sick fantasy digits have enlightened my team muchly so far, especially the 25 point 19 rebound magilla he put up vs. Denver on Monday. Utah is still looking for their first lose of the season, while Denver's starting to seem like maybe just a little bit overrated on account that they're not very good yet. Carmelo is adorbs but spotty; Marcus Camry is Marcus Camry; Andre Miller played for Arizona NUFF SAID; and Kenyon Martin is STILL pouting that his summer series with Redman went nowhere. Keep smilin' yo, my daughter and I watched it faithfully. Beth Littleford IS kind of hot, isn't she?


K-Mart says "Nene, yr Brazilian arse must needs stay out my way k thx bye"

Other thoughts: Houston will still win the West, even though they look pretty crap right now. I love how hoop scribes have all condemned some teams to death after only three or four games. Also, Bill Simmons' ESPN preview was PHONED THE FUCK IN this year: he was clearly running behind and in need of deadline meetage (although it wasn't fast enough, eff a preview that starts after the season begins) (and eff his buddy Chipper, no one up here was even talking about Brian Skinner). His fake Yao was funny, though. But still: Rockets might struggle early, but they have a team.

Y'know who else has a team is that Orlando Magic. Hoo-doggy: Steve On-His-Second-Franchise is rockin' the one-sleeve Iverson look and throwing down tomahawk dunks on entire voting precincts down there. Dwight Howard is playing some good puppy-dog ball, and even Kelvin Cato looked useful. I almost caught the vapors and picked him up for my team until I realized the iron-clad rule: never pick up anyone who used to play for the Trail Blazers. So I picked up Brian Grant instead because I still love him. Then I dumped Grant because HE GOT MIHMED.

I was going to say something else but I forgot. More later.

2004-2005, All Wrapped Up With a Lovely Little Bow.

Here are my pre-season playoff picks for this season. They're not going to be anywhere near correct, so don't bother to rub anything in my face when the season's over.

Eastern Conference:
1. Indiana
2. Philadelphia
3. Miami
4. Detroit
5. Cleveland
6. Orlando
7. Milwaukee
8. Atlanta

Western Conference:
1. Houston
2. Phoenix
3. Utah
4. San Antonio
5. Denver
6. Dallas
7. Los Angeles
8. Minnesota

Yes, I know, I have overestimated Utah, underestimated S.A., and "failed" to pick Sacramento or New York. Mostly, that is because I kind of hate the Knicks and Chris Webber. Also, I think we're just looking at seismic disturbances in the league this year, and it's gonna be really really really fun.

For the record, I think the Eastern Conf. finals will be Indiana v. Detroit, with the Pacers winning in 6 games; they will face Houston (fresh off beating the Lakers in the finals) for the championship, and the Rockets will win.

And yeah, this means no playoffs for the PDX this year (I hope I'm wrong) and a #7 seed for the Bucks. Man, realignment did us no damn favors at all.