I'm Gaga for Zaza: Milwaukee '04 NBA Champs!

Okay, probably not. But just in case, y'know? Because anything can happen this year. It's all wide open, the Bobcats might make the playoffs, the T-Wolves might be back in the lottery spot, who knows? Hell, the Sox came back from 0-3 and then made a snuff film out of the Cardinals, Kerry's looking good in the polls and the Dems are lawyered up this time, I finally found my copy of Carlinhos Brown's Omelete Man, so I'll be the one to take the bold step and call it for the Bucks this year.

With, of course, the caveat that they won't win. There's no way, I know that. But let me dream. Let's say "Who Is" Mike James kicks it in the absence of T.J. Ford; let's say Keith Van Morrison doesn't suck; let's say Joe Smith plays for a year the way he played for a whole two months last year; let's say Michael Redd is everything he was last year and more. That's a strong-ass foursome right there, except for Keith and probably Joe. And maybe Mike.

Okay, so Michael "Too Fucking Great for a Nickname" Redd is our only really good player, and he's probably too level-headed and team-focused to really take shit over. And okay, so we have an enigma at center. But what an enigma! I think Daniel Santiago is a good center for what he is, which is the Boricua Lurch. Witness:



Santiago pretty much singlehandedly escuelaed the miercoles out of "Team USA" in Athens this summer, and it looks like he's got more mobility this year, which means he broke into a trot, briefly, once. But he's not the answer. And, sadly, neither is Dan "gad zoor EECH" Gadzuric. I'm a big fan of Danny G, so is Jerry in the office, and Jerry is a retired dentist turned phone salesman so he knows everything. Gadzooks is a very handsome, very appealing, very hardworking guy; probably the only good thing ever to come out of the UCLA.

But he is not the answer. I'm throwing my delegates to Zaza Pachulia for three reasons. First, his fucking name is ZAZA PACHULIA, okay. Second, he got punched by Lorenzen Wright for throwin' 'bows and did not fade. (This was witnessed live in Memphoose by my man Chris Herringbone whom I am trying to get on this site as a writer.) Third, this quote, which I filched from the Milwaukee Urinal: "My game is just to put all my energy on the floor when I come into the game. I hustle and do my best on the floor. It is the coaches' decision, so I do whatever the coach says. I shall be ready for everything."

And dig him, he's adorable:


But here's the real reasons Milwaukee (which will not probably win it all but still I'm calling it now so you'll remember it was me) will have a great year this year:

A. Terry Porter, who looks like that bald dude who led the gang in Weird Science, remember him, he was ug-e-lee, Terry's cuter than that, but still there is kind of a resemblance. He should have been Coach of the Year last year in his FIRST YEAR COACHING, this year he'll get shafted too, he's a great frickin' coach who will not get taken seriously while dickweeds like [name lame white coach who keeps getting jobs after sucking everywhere here] get all the mad press, it's not racism but it is anti-Bucks-ism which is the same thing but very very different. Plus Porter's got Jerome Kersey as an assistant, which warms my cockles indeed, Blazer reunion awwwwww.

(T.P., runnin' thangz:)


B. Great bench support: Erick Strickland and Mau-Mau Williams and Desmond Mason are no joke sitting there waiting their turn to come in and pound on some people. Marcus Haislip will put up a couple of 20-pointers this year, watch the dunks from that guy too.

C. Michael Redd shouldering the burden ONCE AGAIN.

D. My love and support, what the hell else does a team need?